Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
