Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
