I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He kissed a someone with a penis
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
