All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
