dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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