i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
