you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
