Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
