I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
