I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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