you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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