Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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