the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Never let your siblings swipe right.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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