what if every blade of grass was a penis?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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