I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
