If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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