hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
