He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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