Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
