Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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