thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
