Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
