life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize