all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
