WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
