Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
