I faked an abortion last night.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
