just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
