i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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