the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
