some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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