Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
