I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
