Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
