I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize