mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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