Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
