How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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