I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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