I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sober January is a disaster.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
