i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
