Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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