Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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