all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So vagazzling was a success
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
