I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize