It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
