did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
