I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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