And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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