Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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