don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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