remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
