The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize