you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
