Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can I color on your dick again?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
