y did u give ur computer a hand job?
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
