I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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