Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
