That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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