Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
