i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
