remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize