You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
