I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
