Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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