it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize