i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
