my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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