Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
