Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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