My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
