So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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