I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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