i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
