The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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