Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
