Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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