he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
