i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
