I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
