Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
