I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
