okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
