We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
