HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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