worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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