It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
