So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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