This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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