is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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