My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
