gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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