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She said her name was "party"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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