U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
